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早DD的小鸭天地

Joedy & IELTS

 
 
 

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早D点评之---A piece of good news you received by phone   

2009-08-04 10:53:50|  分类: 早DD答疑 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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我们来看看sweet小鸭对于a piece of good news 卡片的准备

让JOEDY来点评一下咯

 

A piece of good news you received by phone  

   

I’d like to share a piece of good news with you. This news is about a competition which I   participated recently. It is held by Radio of Guangdong in order to select DJs.

Unexpectedly, when I was shopping I got a call from the organizer who told me that I got the admission to the final stage. That’s fantastic!

 直接开门见山切题,简洁明了,good job!!

 I was slap-happy about this piece of news. Because I did a lot of preparations for this competition. I prepared a massive amount of speeches, passages, and poems, I recited them word by word until every word even movement is perfect. I danced everyday to make my accomplishment wonderful and attractive. I know it was a little bit difficult for girl who major in Accounting to survive in this kind of competition. I just kept walking never slowed down my steps. Finally, I get the chance. I get a chance to make a big progress to my dream which I dreamt for quite a long time.

 描述困难的准备过程,突出成功的喜悦!good!

但是这段过程的描述略显简单,再具体一点,强调自己的感受,更好哦!

That’s why I am so happy with this piece of news and eager to share it with others.

自然结尾,不错

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