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早DD的小鸭天地

Joedy & IELTS

 
 
 

日志

 
 

早D点评之---a family member  

2009-07-29 23:08:33|  分类: 早DD答疑 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

  下载LOFTER 我的照片书  |

 

看看下面Joedy对于某小鸭a family member的点评

希望对大家都有启发也有帮助哦

当中有好多小的语法错误Joedy就忽略不计了,

主要看选题和框架哦

 

 

                 a family member

To my frank,(这一句用得很怪,不需要!直接切入主题比较好!例如可以说:my mother is the one i like best)my mother become my best friend since I was a baby and she devote all of her energy to running our family.

 

She is also a excellent cool in our family,but the point is that she known nothing about cooking when she was a girl,until I complanted about the poor quality of dinner.She use her thin shouder to support the whole family’s life and happiness.That’s make me so thankful for my dear mother.

 (这一段与主题没有多大关系,关于mother的cooking,到时候如果真的被要求讲a person good at cooking的时候再加上就好了,这里删掉哦!)

As you see, there is a truth in every family that have a children,a couple should play a tatally different role to educate they children.

(前面那两句显得有点扯大道理哦,会拉远你和考官距离的,不用啦)

Comparing to my dad’s bad temper, my mother’s gentle temperament descide that she is a “good ”person in my eyes.I remember that when I was a little girl,a naughty and naïve little girl,I always made funs of anther people,so our neighbors complainted with my parents.My mother, as a guideline for me,she would not yell at me,she just explained patiently for me that my action was wrong.Once asked her why she did not beat me like dad.She said she was required strictly by my grandparents when she was young,and she felt very unhappy ahout that,so she did not want her daughter be treated like that.

 (这里很具体,很好,尽管句子结构比较乱,呵呵)

As I grow up to an adult,I found that my beautiful mother getting older,but she said she could not pretent herself to look after her daughter and 100% support me,listen to me..So I should say she is a peoson who I truly admire,and I want to tell her the dinner she make is the most delicious food for me.

(结尾不错(*^__^*) )

 

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