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早DD的小鸭天地

Joedy & IELTS

 
 
 

日志

 
 

早D点评之---a famous person  

2009-07-29 22:54:03|  分类: 早DD答疑 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

  下载LOFTER 我的照片书  |

 

有个小鸭写好了经典卡之一---a famous person

下面Joedy来作个点评哦,

还是跟之前一样,对于细节的语法,Joedy 就不改了,主要看选题和陈述哦

 

 

                A famous person I want to meet

Micheal Jackson would be the person I’d like to meet.

(直接切入主题,很好)

It’s years ago that I first knew about him.His achievement in music exceed Elvis Presley and The Beatles.So he is named of the king of pop,His great talents of music and dancing made become a famous peoson in US since he was 5 years old.At his prime,his album is a perfect fusion of the character of black people and white people’s music styles ,such as blues and rock.Thus his is a peoson who he is, the whole world including me is sad when he passed away.

(这一小段略显拖沓,真正讲的时候会很拖时间,建议删减一点,只留下能突显他对你的影响的部分就OK了)

 He is not only a famous musician,but also a kind man who dovote himself to the charity.And become the most influential people in this area.When I was a school girl, I remember that his song,heal the world,made so many people pay their attentions on Kenya children who are suffering in life and death.His songs always give people a sense of peace,and sometimes is crazy.So I like to listen his songs when I feel upsad.

(这一段就很能打动人,够具体,而且联系自己的真实体会,这段可以再扩展得更具体一点哦!讲讲你听到那首歌时的具体感受,甚至可以抽一两句歌词出来)

Though there are so many arguments about his life,that could not cover his resplendent life.And cover his life with a sense of mystery.So if I have a chance to travel in heaven,I will want to meet him,and listen his songs.

(结尾简洁,不错)

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